calling in sick

I went home early today (after spending three hours at the office) because i'm not feeling well so technically it's not really calling in sick. Anyhow, i really wanted to just take my meds and rest but no such luck. i got calls or SMS whenever i was just about to doze off.

Don't you just sometimes long for the good old days no one bothers you at home when you call in sick?

Anyway, here are some of the worst excuses for calling in sick:

1. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
4. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
5. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
6. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
7. I prefer to remain an enigma.
8. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
9. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
10. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
11. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
12. I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You think I should come in?

Not convicincing enough? Check out the Sickday Excuse Generator